Because This Single Dad Deserves to Let Loose!

Kevin Federline partied it up at club Pure in Vegas Friday night to celebrate turning 30.

After K-Fed and his pals got tired of throwing cake at each other, Kevin took to the stage and began instructing guests to "take s—ts in the bathroom of the club.”

Hey Kev, here's a little tip from me to you, if it's your 30th birthday party and you have to remind your friends where to defecate, it may be time for some new friends.

A witness told US Weekly, “The DJ tried to take the microphone back after about three minutes, but he just kept going. It didn’t make any sense what he was saying. He was just blabbing on.”

Well, boys will be boys! After all, he was drinking Jack Daniels and Patron all night.

I'd love to see how this story would be reported if this were Britney doing the same thing.

"Helpless Toddlers Deserted While Britney Parties in Vegas!"

Britney Spears celebrated her birthday in Vegas without her children in tow. The whereabouts of the her children have yet to be confirmed, but the single mother did not seem to miss her two young helpless toddlers as she partied into the late hours of the night.

According to a witness, Spears wore a very revealing dress and danced wildly as if "she didn't have two little helpless babies out there. Somewhere." Another witness described the young mother's behavior as "borderline criminal," and went on to add that Britney was clearly not yet rid of her "baby weight."

The single mother of two young helpless children drank Jack Daniels and Patron through the night. According to addiction specialist Dr. Drew Pinksy, "When a single mother of two young helpless toddlers leaves them to go out and drink all night, she is putting more than her own life at risk. She is also putting the lives of two young precious toddlers at risk."

As the alcohol flowed, the party became out of control as Spears and friends threw birthday cake at each other. Dr. Drew says, "This woman is completely unhinged and should have her tiny helpless toddlers taken away immediately." After Britney and her pals got tired of throwing cake at each other, Spears took to the stage and began instructing guests to "take s—ts in the bathroom of the club."

According to Dr. Drew, "This woman is suffering from postpartum depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and is very likely a serial killer. The children have been removed from the home and Britney has been arrested and placed under 24 hour surviellance."

photo courtesy Eric Boone/Splash News