I miss Underoos. I think I might start wearing them again. I loved Underoos when I was a kid. I had Archie Comics Underoos and I am almost positive I had Supergirl Underoos too. Otherwise I was just running around in regular underwear with a towel tied around my neck screaming “I’m Supergirl!" And jumping on the furniture. Which is just as likely. How does Grover become SuperGrover? It only takes a dishtowel people. I miss that magical feeling of being a Superhero. Who needs facials, manicures or painful bikini waxes? Underoos are the answer. C’mon, what oxygen breathing male isn’t going to be (1.) totally turned on and (2.) delighted by the surprise and whimsical nostalgia you're bright red and blue polyester underwear induces.
It could be a litmus test of sorts. If a guy is peeling off my jeans and goes- “Uh, what are THOSE?” I’ll know he’s too young for me and I'll exit his Silver Lake bungalow immediately with Underoo’s firmly in place. I suppose if a guy’s pulling off my jeans, I should probably be at the point of at least knowing his age. Look, I’m learning as I go. There’s no book on this people.
Just kidding, there a tons of fucking books on this! But who has time to read. I have Underoos shopping to do.
