Keanu Reeves. Everyone knows he’s a brilliant actor. But here’s a little known piece of trivia about him- I want to "do it," with him. And possibly be his girlfriend too. We can start with "doing it," and see where it leads.
I have decided as both Keanu and I live in Los Angeles, there is about a 95% chance we will be "doing," it by years end.
I have a roommate. I don’t even require one, that’s how well my career is working out for me. I want one. When you have a roommate you can talk about your feelings anytime- day or night. Sometimes- day AND night. Even if you think you don’t want to talk about your feelings, you are wrong.
You do.
A recent Saturday morning, she came into my room to make the following declaration.
“I LIKE JOHN MAYER.”
I said, “GO FOR IT.”
That’s the kind of roommate I am. Supportive. Just because I think he might be a "tool," or a "cheeseball," doesn't mean they shouldn't be together. Who am I to get in the way of true love? I went out with a guy named Kasper. I have no room to judge.
“Well you know he has kinda been seeing someone.” I told her.
Judging by the look on her face, by some small miracle, she had managed to walk through her days unencumbered with trials and tribulations of the budding romance between John Mayer and Jessica Simpson.
Her face twisted in disgust. “I can't believe he's dating her OVER ME!”
“Well, in his defense, he's never met you.”
I am known to make some pretty good points.
“I have lost so much respect for him.”
What had John Mayer done to earn her respect? Just wanting to do it with someone, doesn’t garner them respect. Or wait, does it?
Was it that “Your body is a wonderland,” song? Is that what did it? Oddly, it had the opposite effect on me.
Did I respect Keanu Reeves? How could I know? We hadn’t even done it yet. He was a great in The Matrix. But did that earn my respect, making a smart career choice? I’d need to give that some more thought.
But this wasn’t about me. This was about the love triangle of John Mayer, Jessica Simpson and my roommate.
"Look, I get that she doesn't know the difference between tuna and chicken. But do you realize what Jessica Simpson looks like?
“Yeah.”
“I don’t think you can judge a guy for going out with her.”
“But she’s so dumb and annoying!”
“She’s got big cans. Even her Dad can’t stop talking about her cans.”
I think she felt a lot better after our little talk.
Here is John doing stand-up. Maybe he's not so bad afterall. He does have nice hair.
