Introducing The Hug Me Pillow

Last night I was on Overstock.com purchasing new bedding. Look, just because I am not gainfully employed at the moment does not mean I am not going to do my part to stimulate the economy. Besides, I have to do something to offset the “Spencer’s Gifts,” theme I have somehow managed to adopt in my living room/bedroom (hint: it’s the same room). All I need is a lava lamp and a velvet Iron Maiden poster and a Claire’s Boutique is going to spontaneously sprout up next door.

While I was perusing the deals, I was horrified to come across “THE HUG ME PILLOW.”

Okay. I can support any kind of personal pleasure devices out there. I myself am a single girl in a big city that is known for attracting douche-y men from all corners of the globe. I understand that there are potentially going to be long stretches in a person's life where there may be very little human contact. Whatever gets you through the night. But this is sick. Just sick.

A one armed headless torso to provide “comfort as well as piece of mind?” (those words were taken directly from the ad, no joke.)


What kind of depraved human being came up with this? With that being said, if they ever decide to do one of those late night infomercials, I’d LOVE to write it:

Are you lonely? No, I mean are you REALLY lonely? Well wipe those sticky ice cream fingers off and grab the phone because that frown on your face is about to get a little less frownier.

Introducing the “Hug ME Pillow.”

the Hug ME Pillow is 100% NOT a real human being. That’s right! No more of those long lonely nights sleeping alone, you will now be sleeping with NOT a warm human being holding you close, but a one armed headless torso that will NEVER hug you. But you can hug the HUG me Pillow's unmoving synthetic fiber filled form whenever the urge hits you. The Hug ME Pillow is machine washable and the soft microfiber shirt is perfect for absorbing tears.


Did we mention that you are ALONE?

If you act now, we’ll throw in AT NO EXTRA CHARGE the “LIFELESS HAND”

Perfect for movies, dinner parties and those awkward family dinners!

Call within the next five minutes we’ll throw in a tuxedo for your cat.